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19: That Boy of Mine

11 Feb

See this face??

I love this face. I love this boy with every fiber of my being.  (And by the way, it’s horribly unfair that he got the long lashes and full lips in the family. It’s just not right.)

But there are days, recently more often than not, that I long for these days.

I want to see him do this.

Not this. 
(I thought this picture was funny when I took it, but today, it just makes my heart hurt.)

It’s a battle.  Watching my firstborn develop a personality that is, at times, eerily similar to his father.  Stubborn.  Strong-willed.  Very opinionated.  I have to remind myself constantly that no matter how much I love my kids and want to be their friend, my first and foremost responsibility is to be their parent.  To help shape them into the very best person that they can be.  Oh my, is it hard.  Forget diapers.  And bottles.  And lugging around tons of baby gear.  The real parenting starts when your child begins to question life, and as a result, your authority.   When they push the limits- just because they can.  When they begin to form their own opinions, no longer taking your word as the gospel truth.  When they suddenly absolutely will not take off the pair of jeans with the holes in the knees, although they have many pairs of nice pants.

Some days I just want to cry because I love this little booger so much.  And I know it makes him just as unhappy as it makes me when we clash.  But I must, must, must remain strong.  Guide my children.   Teach my children.  Love my children.  And pray….pray with all my might….that I did something right.  I want to enjoy these years, and I’m sure I’ll look back at this post someday and grin, remembering all the silly little arguments.  But for now, in this very moment, these silly little arguments feel monumentally huge, like one small misstep can result in disastrous consequences. 

And also, it’s really hard to stay mad at someone who is this cute.  Seriously.

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9 Comments

Posted by on February 11, 2010 in J-Bo, Mom's Brain, Parenting

 

9 responses to “19: That Boy of Mine

  1. 2kids...3martinis

    February 11, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Oh! The joy of a strong minded boy! Do I EVER know what you’re talking about…

    My boy is now 12 and the other day we were looking at photos of him in 1st, 2nd grade. He asked me if I wished I still had that boy. My answer was a very quick and harsh, “NO.”

    All I can say is stand your ground, love him, take lots of deep breaths and know he will outgrow this. It might take years but, before you know it, you’ll be enjoying his company and noticing he has the same sense of humor as you do. I promise…

     
    • Jessica

      February 12, 2010 at 8:11 am

      Breathing, breathing, breathing….I really just need to chill, don’t I?? 🙂 Thanks, Kerr.

       
  2. fuzzycricket

    February 11, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Ah, Jess. How well you summed up that desire to be the hero, the fun guy, when what these kids need are parents to set expectations and consequences. We know all the rhetoric of enjoying our kids. And we do enjoy them, for the most part But, man! Sometimes we give so much there is nothing left and we need to recharge. Because some days last weeks.

    Hang in there! I’m cheering for you! And being frustrated with little boys, with you!

     
    • Jessica

      February 12, 2010 at 8:13 am

      “…some days last weeks”- oh how true that is! I think I’m just having one of “those” weeks. I’m desperate for tomorrow. It’s supposed to be 58 degrees and sunny, and I am totally sending my chitlins out to run off some of their negative energy:)

       
  3. shortmama

    February 11, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    I so know what you mean. Both of my girls got Levi’s impatience and it makes me insane. Sometimes I ask Rhiannon isnt it easier to just behave then to be a turd and get in trouble?!

     
    • Jessica

      February 12, 2010 at 8:13 am

      I know, right??? I try to explain to them that they are spending more time griping about having to do something than it would have actually taken to just do it! I’m not sure they are understanding that concept quite yet, LOL.

       
  4. kristy hall

    February 11, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    girl, you know i know how your feeling. Miss Kayden has a mind of her own, but i am seeing a light at the end of the tunnell. She is slowly moving in the direction i want her to. =) We still have some moving to do but at least she hasnt stopped again. lol Sorry you are going through this. Just wait till puberty hits. ha i am scared of those days. And we will have multiple kids going through it at the same time. scary. Our worlds are going to be crazy! keep your chin up, maybe you guys can get a vaca soon so you can refresh. I know i am counting down to mine cause i need it!

     
    • Jessica

      February 12, 2010 at 8:15 am

      Yes, I definitely need a recharge. Are you SURE you don’t want to pack me in your bag??? I’ll just take a bunch of books, and you’ll never hear a peep out of me:) I swear Jaxen has aged me ten years in the last few weeks. At this rate, I’ll be 90 by the time he hits his teens!

       
      • kristy hall

        February 14, 2010 at 12:00 am

        ahh man no fun! you are more then welcome to zip up in my suitcase. lord knows you would fit. lol

         

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