I’ll Cover You
“Live in my house, I’ll be your shelter.
Just pay me back with 1,000 kisses.
Be my lover, and I’ll cover you…
Open your door, I’ll be your tenant.
Don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet.
But sweet kisses I’ve got to spare,
I’ll be there, and I’ll cover you.”
-jonathan larson
It’s hard to make yourself vulnerable. Opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection, and failure, is scary. But sometimes, in order to be able to live with yourself, you have to take that calculated risk. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you wish it would. Knowing that you can, and most likely will be hurt, doesn’t make the pain any less when it actually happens. But…there is a sense of pride that wasn’t there before. A little voice saying, “Good for you!”. Even if your heart is a little sore, a little more bruised than it was when you woke that morning – at least when you lay your head down at night, you’ll know that you were one hundred percent, whole-heartedly, without any reservations – true to yourself. And fully in the moment. And you gave it all you had. Really…is there anything more you can do? I think not.
Your loss, for not recognizing… or appreciating.
And when you do walk away, shaken, and disbelieving at how easily you could be sucked into that vortex, you have friends to hold your hand, guide you back to yourself, and whisper those three words that always mend your spirit:
I’ll cover you.
Mom Challenge: Day 1
Today is the day. I’m beginning my self-imposed (and hopefully, self-motivating) Mom Challenge.
Today’s topic:
1. Ask “what is one thing we can do together, this month?”
This, I confess, was a no-brainer. I didn’t even have to ask. Although, I suppose if I was technically following “the rules”, I would have done so. Ah well…hindsight, and all that. And rather than do it sometime this month, we decided to do it today.
A few weeks ago, Sister Bear’s teacher made AppleJack Cookies with the class as they studied Johnnie Appleseed. After Christmas, we found ourself with a large number of apples in the house; therefore, she has been begging me to make AppleJack Cookies with her. Today, in an attempt to put her desires first (although I had a bajillion and one things I needed to be done), we cleared as much counter-space as we could in the kitchen, washed our hands, and got to cooking!
I realized at the last minute that we were missing nutmeg, but oh well…we proceeded anyways.
As you can see, Sister Bear is still in her jammies. We didn’t even get dressed today. I must admit…it was nice:)
I forgot to get a picture of the final, finished product, but that’s okay. The cookies weren’t what this was about. This was about taking some time to fully focus on the kid(s) and doing something that was important to them. I am not a wonderful cook, but Sister enjoys it so much that I really do need to take the initiative to work with her more in the kitchen. All in all, Day 1 was a success. The cookies are almost gone (not my favorite, but the kids LOVED them!), and I made a new memory with my daughter.
Now … tomorrow will be more of a challenge…. 
Mom Challenge
I don’t deal well with clutter. And chaos. And living in a disorganized manner. Therefore, my patience and focus are being stretched to their very limits by our current situation as we deal with the home renovation aftermath. I find myself snapping at the kids, and my husband. Actually chomping at the bit to get to work so as to get away from this mess. It’s only been a week, and yet I feel like I’m at my wit’s end.
In an effort to distract myself, I signed up for pinterest this week. Such a cool site (aka a massive time suck!) that’s given me all sorts of inspiration and creative ideas. I stumbled across this today and have decided, in the interest of my sanity, and my children and husband’s, that maybe now this would be a good time to implement this little challenge. To focus myself on what really matters, which is not the fact that I still can’t cook in our kitchen, and little clouds of dust still whirl around me with every step I take.
Thus, tomorrow, I began the 30 Day Mom Challenge:
Of course, these are all things I try to strive and do on a daily basis anyway, but hey – sometimes we all need a little help, and a reminder of one’s priorities. And besides, I like lists! Here we go!
You Made A Fool Of Me
There are only a handful of television shows that I always go out of my way to watch, that I have a vested interest in. So You Think You Can Dance is one of those. Out of the talents I wish I had been born with, the ability to dance would be right at the top of the list. The movement of their bodies inspires me so much. The lyrical way in which they can use their limbs to convey the emotion from the music just floors me. This performance, in particular, speaks to my heart.
”And now, you have no interest in anything that I have to say.
You made a fool of me… tell me why?
You state that you don’t care, but we made love, tell me why?
I want to kiss you, does she want you with the pain that I do?
I smell you in my dreams.
But now when we’re face to face, you won’t look me in the eye.
No time, no friendship, no love.
You made a fool of me.”
- Meshell Ndegeocello
Chaos
It is utter and complete chaos in our house at the moment. A few months after we bought our house (over six years ago), cracks started appearing around the doorframes, in the hallway and really badly in the kitchen ceiling. Over time they became worse, but we just have never had the 1) inclination or 2) the money to deal with the situation. Well, thanks to my husband, part of my Christmas gift this year was to hire someone to repair these damages. We are three days in, and this is what the house currently looks like.
J-Bo’s room:
Sister Bear’s room:
The kitchen: (OH GOD!! THE HORROR!!!)
Master Bedroom:
And last, but certainly not least, the living room. (More sobbing.) You can’t tell…but our furniture is black.
Our Christmas tree looked so pretty just a few days ago, and now….just sad.
I am really hesitant to share these horribly unflattering photos of our meager little home, but I decided to do so simply so that when the work is done, and the dust has cleared (literally), I will be able to look back at these and see how far we’ve come. But for now… OMG! This sh*t is driving me crazy!!!
Any Little Excuse
My work was kind enough to give us the day off. I guess to properly recover from any New Year celebration revelry that may have lapsed over into Sunday/Monday. Long overdue renovations and repairs began in our home today. Let me tell you, five adults and two children is entirely too many people to have in one little house, especially when three of those adults are trying to move ladders, tubs of paint, scrapers and various other equipment throughout the rooms. So I decided it was THE perfect excuse to take the kiddos and go explore the going-out-of-business sale at the outlet mall’s bookstore.
Oklahoma City was lucky enough to have a beautiful, brand spankin’ new outlet mall open up just a few months ago. I’m not quite sure why the bookstore is already going out of business. I find that to be a sad state of affairs in the world (curse you e-books!), but that’s a topic for another time. And really…any excuse to go to a booksale is a-ok with me.
I was surprised by the quality of the selection. I was fully expecting just stacks of remainder books, but I was pleasantly surprised to find a wide variety of fiction and non-fiction titles, and best of all, an entire food writing section! Here’s what I purchased – for a mere $14, I might add
1. Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict – Laurie Viera Rigler – I’ve had this on my TBR list for some time, but my local library doesn’t stock it. So yay for finding it for dirt cheap!
2. Horsemen of the Esophagus: Competitive Eating and the Big Fat American Dream – Jason Fagone – I’ve been eyeing this one for some time. So glad to find a copy.
3. Alone in the Kitchen With An Eggplant – Edited by Jenni Ferrari-Adler – I LOVE this book, and have checked it out numerous times from the library. I must admit, I did a little happy dance and accompanying squeal when I saw it on the shelf!
4. On The Threshold: Home, Hardwood & Holiness – Elizabeth J. Andrew – I thought this looked super intriguing. A book of essays about home & faith, very timely in my life.
5. Familyhood – Paul Reiser – I’ve been a Paul Reiser fan for many, many years, and adding Familyhood, his newest, will complete my collection, which also consists of Couplehood and Babyhood.
6. Someday My Prince Will Come: True Adventures of a Wannabe Princess – Jerramy Fine – This looks super cute. I can’t wait to read it!
7. Life, Death & Bialys: A Father/Son Baking Story – Dylan Schaffer – Have I mentioned my weakness for food writing?
8. Bright Lights, Big Ass – Jen Lancaster – I LOVE Jen Lancaster. She never fails to crack me up:) And although I’ve already read this one, I went ahead and picked up a copy to gift to someone.
9. Spoon Fed: How Eight Cooks Saved My Life – Kim Severson – See aforementioned food writing writing.
In my opinion, some excellent finds! Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’m off to read.
Dear 2011
Dear 2011:
I can honestly say that I am not, in any way, shape, or form, sad to see you go. You have, without a doubt, been one of those most difficult years of my life. But you did have some redeeming qualities. Let’s focus on those, shall we?
I will forever remember you as the year of my sister’s car accident. And although the heartbreak and pain that came with that were at times unbearable, you did teach me that I am made of stronger stuff than I thought. And in all honesty, you did do me a favor by providing me with the opportunity to spend more time with my sister than I have since I moved out when she was seven years old. A blessing definitely in disguise!
You also taught me this year that I can not solve, fix or carry the weight of the world all by myself. By forcing me to be honest and open with my husband and others in my life about some struggles I was going through, I came out on the other side knowing that even in all my imperfect glory, I am loved…deeply.
This year I also learned of the power of friendship, and how even if we don’t speak or see each other often, when needed – friends will come running to your side. Sadly, our dear friends lost their teenage son in a car accident this summer. Even under the horrific pain of that loss, it warmed my heart to see the support and love that they received. My friends are, and this is no exaggeration, the best in the world.
On a lighter note, you excelled 2011, by giving us Adele’s album “21″. Literally a life changing record for me. All I can say is … that’s mah jam!
I’m looking forward to facing 2012. I’ve got new knowledge on my side, and we all know that knowledge is power. I’ve got family & friends that support me, even in all my imperfect glory. I have a husband who (even if he doesn’t often tell me) thinks I’m pretty cool, and children that light up my life every single day. I’m blessed to have a job that I enjoy, and a roof over my head. I’ve got a couple new wrinkles, but also a few laugh lines that weren’t there last year. Life, as always, is one big balancing act. So let’s do this 2012. Let’s laugh some more. Love some more. Learn some more. But let’s lay off those wrinkle, shall we? Umkay? Thanks.
Adieu, 2011.
-Jess
New Year’s Eve: A Celebration
I believe this year marks the sixth year that we rang in the new year at home, with our two pride & joys, in our pajamas. Just the way I like it. Each year I find that we begin a new tradition of some sort. This year it was my son’s request that we have pudding in a cloud.
Of course, you can choose any flavor pudding you would like, but we went with the tried & true chocolate.
We had a delicious dinner of pork chops, roasted potatoes, and the requisite black-eyed peas, for good luck. We watched the Dick Clark New Year’s Eve special, always a pleasure. It always takes me back to my junior high days when I eagerly awaiting a sighting of NKOTB on the annual special.
J-Bo made it till about 11:40…and then his eyelids started to droop…
By 11:45, he was out.
We tried desperately to wake him for the midnight toast, but he was dead to the world. (When I told him the next day that he had fallen asleep and missed the ball drop, he said, “You didn’t even try to wake me up!”. Hahahaha! We were literally yelling at him, and he wouldn’t stir. Silly boy!)
So we toasted in the New Year with just three of the J’s.
And then….Sister Bear crashed. :) At about 12:09.
Here’s to a New Year, my friends. May it be full of an insane amount of love, light and most importantly, laughter.
Wordless Wednesday: What a Difference Four Years Makes
2007
2011
And To All, A Good Night…
Christmas Eve. How happy I was that it fell on a Saturday this year! The husband took the kids to run a few last minute errands, which meant that I was able to turn on Michael Buble’s new Christmas album, consume numerous cups of pumpkin spice coffee, and finish all the wrapping. For the first time in…well…EVER…I wasn’t up till the wee hours wrapping gifts. It was so lovely. *sigh of contentment*
Our Eve traditions include spaghetti & meatballs, hot cocoa and tracking Santa’s progress online. It was such fun to watch the kiddos refresh the screen over and over to see if Santa had made it beyond Portugal. After much, much persuading, I finally convinced them to go to bed. How can Santa visit if they never go to sleep? (This battle is an annual tradition, as well.)
Letters, artwork and treats were laid out for Santa and his reindeer.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
And then, wonder of wonders, Santa was there!
That Santa sure is sneaky. We didn’t even hear him! Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!
